Prior to committing more firmly to prose, I originally preferred writing screenplays and studied at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts in their Dramatic Writing Program. I have numerous scripts at hand, for plays, films, and even comic books, and as a calling card of sorts to showcase my ability in this format, I thought I would offer one on this website. (No, not my Moon Knight script! If that one can never get into the right hands, perhaps I can transform it into something else . . . !)
Early in 2017, I submitted this script, not to CBS but to a writing program as my bid for acceptance. It was open to writers nationwide with just a few scant openings, so unfortunately it did not gain me admittance, but with the series itself being concluded in 2019, there is no reason to not present this for any curious eyes. Please forgive the lack of formatting, which did not transfer along with the text.
Note that it in no way is meant to be misinterpreted as an actual unused script or representative of the writing staff for the actual TV show. (There is also no attempt on my part to steal any thunder from the very popular television series, and NO mention of it or its components have been employed for the purpose of search engine optimization.) Also keep in mind the year in which it was written to get a better perspective of what was going on with the characters at the time of this writing. The show is of course The Big Bang Theory, and the episode's title (in keeping with their style for naming them) is "The Capraesque Comparison."
The "Capra" in the title is of course Frank Capra, director of It's a Wonderful Life. Growing up, just about every sitcom I watched seemed to have an episode dedicated to doing their own take on the famous Christmas classic by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. Borrowing from that tradition but adding my own twist, I thought I would instead focus on the Capra classic, my other favorite Christmas tale.
Early in 2017, I submitted this script, not to CBS but to a writing program as my bid for acceptance. It was open to writers nationwide with just a few scant openings, so unfortunately it did not gain me admittance, but with the series itself being concluded in 2019, there is no reason to not present this for any curious eyes. Please forgive the lack of formatting, which did not transfer along with the text.
Note that it in no way is meant to be misinterpreted as an actual unused script or representative of the writing staff for the actual TV show. (There is also no attempt on my part to steal any thunder from the very popular television series, and NO mention of it or its components have been employed for the purpose of search engine optimization.) Also keep in mind the year in which it was written to get a better perspective of what was going on with the characters at the time of this writing. The show is of course The Big Bang Theory, and the episode's title (in keeping with their style for naming them) is "The Capraesque Comparison."
The "Capra" in the title is of course Frank Capra, director of It's a Wonderful Life. Growing up, just about every sitcom I watched seemed to have an episode dedicated to doing their own take on the famous Christmas classic by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. Borrowing from that tradition but adding my own twist, I thought I would instead focus on the Capra classic, my other favorite Christmas tale.
COLD OPEN
FADE IN
1. INT. LEONARD’S APT - EVENING
LEONARD, SHELDON, HOWARD, RAJ, PENNY, AMY, and BERNADETTE are seated in their usual places eating takeout from little containers.
PENNY
(making a face at her food)
Ya know, (beat) I’m getting a little tired of eating takeout from the same place week after week.
AMY
(excitedly)
Ooh, wouldn’t it be nice to actually dine AT a restaurant instead of eating it here?
SHELDON
(crinkling his nose)
Oh, that sounds perfectly awful. Having to listen to other people’s intrusive conversing. Not knowing if any of them are eavesdropping on our own. And then there’s the seating. Is there a rule that all restaurant chairs must be as stiff and uncomfortable as possible, in order to encourage diners to hurry up and finish their meals so the next diners can move in? (beat) Penny?
PENNY
(confused)
What are you asking me for?
SHELDON
Well, you did work at The Cheesecake Factory.
PENNY
Yes, but I--
AMY
Hold on a second.
(turns to Sheldon)
That was a restaurant you used to go to a lot, right? Why did you stop?
SHELDON
(indicating Leonard)
Because this one here finally got what he wanted off the menu.
LEONARD reacts with minor annoyance, while PENNY smiles knowingly.
AMY
(still to Sheldon)
So now that Penny’s here, you don’t go there anymore?
SHELDON
Now that Penny’s here, we don’t have to do a lot of unpleasant things anymore.
AMY
Well that’s not fair. And eating out isn’t an unpleasant experience. Especially if it’s with people you enjoy being with.
BERNADETTE
Yeah! I agree! There’s nothing like eating in a nice restaurant with romantic lighting and fine atmosphere.
SFX: Baby crying from offstage.
BERNADETTE
Of course, there is something to be said for not having to
breastfeed in a special bathroom with questionable hygiene. Excuse me!
BERNADETTE hops up and heads off toward the back rooms.
BERNADETTE
Mommy’s coming, sweetheart!
(EXITS)
SHELDON
See? Even Bernadette agrees with me.
HOWARD
Yeah, but I wouldn’t go by her opinion. She applied that same reasoning to: going to the movies, visiting a museum -- oh, and going back to work.
SHELDON
(to Amy)
Well anyway, you’re still enjoying the same company you would at a restaurant. You can adjust the lighting and set any mood you want. Not to mention temperature, music, or anything else you would like. Plus, there’s the added benefit of not having strangers around to spoil the experience. It’s a win-win scenario!
AMY
Well, I don’t agree with that.
SHELDON
Of course you do. Do I have to remind you of Addendum 59 of the Relationship Agreement?
AMY makes a sour face and looks away. PENNY begins to smirk to herself, which LEONARD notices.
LEONARD
What are you smiling about?
PENNY
Just realizing how every one of your lives has turned out the way it has (beat) because I entered it.
All make little scoffing sounds at this, but SHELDON is the most vocal, as well as the most offended by this declaration.
SHELDON
Oh, that is simply not true. You are implying that none of us are capable of accomplishing that which we have without your contribution. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but I find that highly insulting.
RAJ
Well now maybe she has a point.
HOWARD
(also concedes)
And, if it weren’t for Penny, I wouldn’t have that tiny bundle of joy in the other room in my life. Or the tiny bundle of joy that came out of her.
LEONARD
Naturally, my life would certainly be different without Penny in it.
AMY
And even though Penny didn’t introduce us originally, if it weren’t for her, I doubt I would have become a welcome member of your little group.
SHELDON
Well I can’t imagine how my life’s accomplishments were in any way affected by any one person’s intrusion into my world, and
especially one who doesn’t even work with me.
AMY
(flatly)
Really. After what I just said, you can’t imagine anything different.
SHELDON
(thinks for a bit)
No, not at all.
AMY
(rises in a huff)
Well then maybe you should spend the night alone, and then perhaps something will come to you!
(EXITS)
SHELDON
(stares after Amy with an open-mouthed expression of shock, then turns to the group)
Now what do you suppose is eating her?
PENNY
(hops up to follow Amy)
I’d better go talk to her. And maybe one of you geniuses can explain just what it is that Sheldon said to upset her so much.
(crosses and EXITS)
SHELDON
glances at each one in turn, as they continue eating their food and consider what to say.
SHELDON
Well, does anyone care to explain what just happened here?
HOWARD
(giving in)
Sure, I’ll take a stab at this. You know how Peter Parker only got his superpowers once he was bitten by a radioactive spider.
SHELDON nods.
HOWARD
Well in this scenario, you’re Peter Parker and Penny is the radioactive spider.
SHELDON
(trying to follow)
And Amy is the potentially toxic radioactivity?
HOWARD
(beat)
Sure, let’s go with that.
SHELDON
But now wait a minute. I became me because of no one else but me. I refuse to believe that one person’s presence can have that much of an effect--
LEONARD
Oh now hold on. How many of your favorite movies, TV shows, and comic books have storylines based on the premise that what one person does can make a difference, not only to those around him, but to people he has never even interacted with or met?
RAJ
Yes, I always thought you subscribed to the butterfly effect.
SHELDON
I do, with one caveat. Certain people--myself included--go through life with a natural built-in defense against such butterfly effects. An immunity to it, if you will.
LEONARD
(disgustedly)
Aw, now you’re just making things up. Come on, admit it. If it weren’t for Penny, your life would be nothing like what it is today.
SHELDON
I’ll admit no such thing.
PENNY
(ENTERS)
Then make yourself comfortable in your old room tonight, because that’s where you’ll be sleeping.
SHELDON reacts in indignation.
CUT TO
MAIN TITLES
END OF COLD OPEN
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
ACT ONE
2. INT. SHELDON’S OLD BEDROOM – MORNING
Sheldon is lying in bed, beginning to wake up. Without raising his head or opening his eyes, he pats the bed about himself with his hand. Feeling it is empty, he raises his head and looks around, confirming that he is alone.
SHELDON
(sourly)
Women!
He gets out of bed and reaches for his robe.
3. INT. LEONARD’S APT – MORNING
LEONARD is standing in the kitchen area with a bowl of cold cereal in his hand. SHELDON ENTERS and looks around. The room has considerably more movie and superhero posters, statues, and decorative collectibles than ever before.
SHELDON
(shocked)
Penny let you do this?
LEONARD
(looking up from food)
What was that?
SHELDON
Oh, never mind. Where is that trouble-making wife of yours?
LEONARD
My what?
SHELDON
Your wife. You know. Penny.
LEONARD
Sheldon, are you feeling well?
SHELDON
Considering I had to spend the night alone in my old bed--which to my surprise wasn’t as relaxing and comfortable as I would have thought it to be--I would have to say that the answer is No.
LEONARD
Sheldon, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You slept in the same bed you’ve been sleeping in for years. Why should it be any different?
SHELDON
And you?
LEONARD
Slept in my own bed. Just like every other night.
SHELDON
Alone?
LEONARD
Well you don’t have to rub it in.
SHELDON heads toward the back rooms, stopping first to look up and down at a new statue before he EXITS. LEONARD watched this with a confused look. SHELDON ENTERS again.
SHELDON
(pointing to the front door)
Is Penny across the hall with Amy?
LEONARD
What Penny? Who’s Amy? What are talking about?
SHELDON crosses to the front door and EXITS. LEONARD puts down his cereal bowl and starts to follow.
LEONARD
(whining)
Sheldon, wait!
CUT TO
4. INT. HALLWAY – MORNING
SHELDON crosses the hall and approaches the door to the apartment on the other side.
SHELDON
(knocks three times)
Penny?
(knocks three times)
Penny?
(knocks three times)
Penny?
LEONARD ENTERS, hanging back slightly as he tries to draw SHELDON back away from the door.
LEONARD
(stage whispers)
Sheldon! Get away from that door!
The door opens to reveal a tough but pretty young female NEIGHBOR in her sleepwear.
NEIGHBOR
(mildly annoyed)
Yes?
SHELDON
(shocked)
Who are you?
NEIGHBOR
What business is that of yours?
SHELDON
Are you a friend of Amy’s?
NEIGHBOR
Who’s Amy?
SHELDON
(making a move as if to enter her apartment)
Oh, I need to get to the bottom of this.
LEONARD
(moving forward to hold him back)
Sheldon! What are you doing? You don’t belong there.
SHELDON
Yes! Yes, I do! I live there now with my girlfriend.
NEIGHBOR
First: Ew! Secondly, if you try to come in here again, you’ll leave me no choice but to use this.
NEIGHBOR takes a bat out from behind the door frame and pats her other hand with it. SHELDON backs up, as LEONARD tries to steer him back to their apartment.
SHELDON
(weakly, to Leonard)
But I... But she... But we...
LEONARD
(pats him consolingly, as he backs him toward their apartment)
I know, I know, buddy. Now why don’t you come back inside and you can tell me all about it.
SHELDON halts in one last act of defiance, staring across at his NEIGHBOR, who holds up a canister she had concealed on her person.
NEIGHBOR
I have pepper spray, if you prefer that.
SHELDON looks at her for a beat before turning and darting to his old apartment with LEONARD.
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
5. INT. LEONARD’S APT – MORNING
LEONARD brings a cup of steaming hot tea to SHELDON, where he is sitting at the kitchen table, then sits as well.
LEONARD
So what do you think this is? A slide into an alternate dimension, a wish granted from some unknown source... Of course, it is possible that you just dreamed up this whole other life as a bit of wish-fulfillment.
SHELDON
(gives him an unpleasant look)
Then why do I only remember that other life and have no idea what’s been happening in this one?
HOWARD
(OS)
Let’s not rule out the possibility that you had a mental episode, concocted by your mind as a means of escaping your depressing real life.
SHELDON
(sits moodily for a beat)
I don’t know why you had to Skype Wolowitz and tell him about this.
LEONARD brings laptop to table, on which HOWARD’s smiling face can be seen on its screen. He is obviously enjoying SHELDON’s discomfort.
LEONARD
Okay, here’s what I don’t get. If that was a fantasy life created in his mind, why would he give me the hot actress to marry? Sounds more like a fantasy created for me.
HOWARD
And what about me? Do I have someone?
SHELDON
(still moody)
Yes, a beautiful wife and daughter.
RAJ’s face appears next to HOWARD’s on the laptop screen.
RAJ
Ooh, me next. Do I have anyone?
SHELDON
No.
RAJ
(mutters grumpily)
Figures. Even in Sheldon’s fantasy world I don’t have a woman.
SHELDON slumps over to his favorite spot on the couch and sighs.
RAJ
Well I’d better get back to my chores.
(EXITS from screen)
LEONARD
(looking over at Sheldon but speaking to Howard)
I don’t know, I’ve never seen him like this; he’s really depressed.
HOWARD
Personally, I don’t know how he isn’t depressed every day of his life just from being him.
LEONARD
No, I’m serious. This isn’t just--
SHELDON
What’s this?
LEONARD looks over to see SHELDON holding up a flyer advertising a film shoot.
LEONARD
(turns the laptop to face the rest of the room and walks over to the couch)
Don’t you remember? The comic store is closed today because they’re filming a scene for a big motion picture there. It’s a big thing for Stuart.
SHELDON
But this is Penny. This is her, this is your wife!
LEONARD
Okay, now you’re trying to tell me that in this other reality I’m married to Hollywood superstar "Penny!" Biggest celebrity of our time. Most popular name at the box office. So famous she doesn’t even use a last name.
SHELDON
Well, she isn’t a celebrity in my world.
LEONARD looks over at HOWARD on the monitor, both sharing a look of obvious disbelief.
SHELDON
(jumps up and heads to front door)
We’ve got to go to the comic store. We’ve got to see Penny.
LEONARD
Don’t you want to dress first?
SHELDON
(glancing down at his robe)
Good idea.
As SHELDON EXITS to the back rooms, LEONARD turns back to HOWARD.
LEONARD
(shrugs)
Looks like we’re going to the comic store. Maybe Stuart can get us in when they’re not shooting.
HOWARD
Okay. I’m over at Koothrappalli’s, so why don’t you stop here first?
LEONARD
All right. See you there.
CUT TO
6. INT. SHELDON’S OLD BEDROOM – MORNING
Sheldon is finishing dressing, surprised to find the late ARTHUR JEFFRIES (PROFESSOR PROTON) ENTER his room.
ARTHUR
(allows a beat, as Sheldon stares at him)
Hello.
SHELDON
Arthur? Are you not dead in this reality?
ARTHUR
Oh I’m dead.
SHELDON
Then you’re here as an angel?
ARTHUR
Well not quite. I haven’t earned my wings yet.
SHELDON
Oh I see. So you’re here to show me what my life could be like, so that I appreciate my life and the people in it all the more.
ARTHUR
No, I’m just here to give you what you want. A life where your destiny is determined only by your own actions and not by some chance encounter with a wannabe actress.
(beat)
That is what you want, right?
SHELDON
Well of course, but...
ARTHUR
So then where are you going?
SHELDON
I have to go down to the comic book store because...
ARTHUR
Because you’re trying to provoke a chance encounter with that very same actress?
SHELDON
Um, yes.
ARTHUR
That’s what I thought. Here I am trying to do something for you, which can possibly earn me my wings, and you’re about to undo all my efforts.
SHELDON
But Arthur. It’s not me I’m worried about. I can correct my own life. It’s in my power to do so. I’m just thinking of all my friends. They lost relationships, a family. I don’t want to see them unhappy.
ARTHUR
But you’re happy?
SHELDON
Well not right now. But I can fix that easily. Now I’m sorry Arthur, but I have to go.
SHELDON pushes past ARTHUR to EXIT.
ARTHUR
(chuckles to self)
Thinks he can fix it easily, does he? This I have to see.
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
7. INT. RAJ’S APARTMENT – DAY
HOWARD answers door to let in LEONARD and SHELDON.
HOWARD
So, Sheldon, anything else change in between leaving your apartment and getting here? Was Leonard actually your girlfriend in another life? Is Raj supposed to be a servant himself instead of coming from a rich family that has a house full of them?
(aside)
Now that’s a world I’d love to take a peek in on.
SHELDON
(sarcastically)
Very funny. Ha-Ha. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up and find everything you know suddenly transformed into something else.
RAJ ENTERS from back rooms, hurrying quickly.
RAJ
(rushing)
Okay, come on, let’s go!
SHELDON
Well what’s the matter with you?
RAJ
(nervously)
Nothing. Come on. Hurry up, you don’t want to be late for the shoot.
EMILY
(OS, sing-song)
Oh Koothrappalli!
RAJ
Oh, no. Too late.
SHELDON
Late? Too late for what?
HOWARD
(sinfully amused)
Just sit back and enjoy it.
EMILY and CLAIRE ENTER from back rooms, then plant hands on hips and glare at RAJ.
EMILY
Don’t tell me you’re planning to run out of here without completing your chores. My room is still waiting to be cleaned.
CLAIRE
And my bathtub is not going to scrub itself.
RAJ adopts his old, menial expression, unable to speak to them because they are attractive females. He simply nods subserviently with his hands clasped together and starts to move off to the back rooms. He stops at SHELDON’s words.
SHELDON
Now hold on a minute! Raj? What are you doing? You’ve dated both of these women at the same time and juggled them like they were insignificant. You tell them they can clean their own things, and let’s get to the comic store before Penny leaves.
RAJ looks appalled at what SHELDON says, while the rest listen amused.
HOWARD
Wait a second. Are you telling us that in this other reality of yours Raj dated both Emily and Claire?
SHELDON nods.
HOWARD
At the same time.
SHELDON raises his eyebrows and nods with a half shrug, as he was never able to understand it either. After a beat, they ALL LAUGH at him, except RAJ, who is still too stunned.
CLAIRE
Hey, wait! Are you trying to get in to see Penny, the movie star?
SHELDON
Yes, she’s a close personal friend of ours and I know everything about her.
CLAIRE
I tell you what. You take my screenplay with you and make sure she gets it, and you can have Raj for the whole afternoon.
SHELDON
Deal. Get me your script.
CLAIRE walks over to a nearby desk and picks up a thick bound batch of papers and hands it to SHELDON.
SHELDON
Great, now let’s go.
SHELDON pushes RAJ ahead of him to the door, as LEONARD and HOWARD follow. They EXIT, leaving EMILY and CLAIRE to look at each other bewildered.
EMILY
What the hell was that tall, skinny one talking about?
CLAIRE
I don’t know, but if there’s a chance he can get my script into Penny’s hands, I really would date Raj.
CUT TO
8. EXT. RAJ’S APARTMENT
LEONARD halts the rest in the hall outside RAJ’s apartment.
LEONARD
Okay guys, what’s the game plan here? You know we’re not gonna get within a hundred feet of Penny.
SHELDON
Of course we are.
HOWARD
I’m gonna have to side with Leonard on this one. We won’t be able to get anywhere near her.
SHELDON
That’s not true. You’re forgetting we have an ace in the hole.
LEONARD
And what’s that?
SHELDON
You. Her soul mate. You two aren’t together here because you’ve never met one another, but once that changes, it should set things in motion that will follow a course similar to the one from my world.
RAJ
And you actually believe that’s going to happen?
SHELDON
(vulnerable)
Well I have to. Because if there’s no hope for Leonard and Penny, then what hope do I have that I can correct my fate?
LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJ look at each other, then nod and accompany SHELDON to EXIT the hallway.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
ACT TWO
9. EXT. COMIC CENTER – DAY
SHELDON, LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJ ARRIVE at a mob scene outside the comic book store. They can barely see inside.
LEONARD
Well, now what? We can’t even get anywhere near the entrance, much less get inside. And it doesn’t look like we would be able to get inside even without all these fans here trying to watch the shoot.
SHELDON tries not to look disheartened but cannot pull it off. He suddenly brightens upon getting an idea. He takes his phone out and dials.
PENNY
(OS, filtered over phone, annoyed)
This better be good.
SHELDON
(into phone)
Special delivery for Penny. Is this Penny, the superstar actress?
PENNY
(OS, filtered over phone)
Yeah, but I didn’t order anything.
SHELDON
(hurriedly, before she can hang up)
Oh, but this is from your agent. He has a script for you to see that he’s sure will win you an Oscar. I’m outside where you’re filming now, but I can’t get in to deliver it to you.
PENNY
(beat)
Well, I guess you wouldn’t have my number if you weren’t legit, so I guess I can trust you. Meet me in the back of the comic book store. I’ll clear it with my people.
PENNY hangs up and SHELDON puts his phone away. LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJ are looking at him, shocked.
RAJ
Dude! How do you have Penny’s number?
SHELDON
I told you. She’s a close personal friend of mine.
LEONARD
(not daring to believe)
And my wife?
HOWARD
Guys, I’m starting to get the weird feeling that this isn’t just one of Sheldon’s little peculiar oddities. Could there be some truth to what he’s been talking about?
LEONARD
If so, it’s gotta be the strangest case of science fiction-turned-fact I’ve ever heard of.
RAJ
And just how many cases have you heard of?
LEONARD
Well, (beat) none actually. This is pretty unprecedented. We’re on uncharted waters here.
RAJ
This must be how it feels to discover a new continent.
HOWARD
(dreamily)
Or go into space.
SHELDON
Oh, you’ve done that already.
HOWARD
What?
SHELDON
Yeah, out in orbit, the whole astronaut thing. You never shut up about it either.
HOWARD
Damn, this other Howard’s life is so much better than mine!
SHELDON
Come on, she said she’ll meet us behind the store.
They start to WALK along the side of the building until they STOP upon finding STUART sitting on the floor by the trash bins.
LEONARD
Stuart? What are you doing here?
STUART
They said only authorized film crew personnel were allowed on set.
RAJ
But that’s your store.
STUART
Yes, but Penny has a real tough bodyguard who’s enforcing the rules for her. And they pointed
out that they’re paying me enough to keep me away as well. Apparently I give Penny the creeps.
HOWARD
(aside)
Understandable.
STUART
Where are you guys going?
SHELDON
To the back of your store to see Penny.
STUART
Well good luck with that, but I doubt you’ll get past her guard.
SHELDON
Well we’ll just see about that.
SHELDON strides OS determinedly.
LEONARD
I’ve never seen Sheldon act this forcefully and confidently out in public like this before.
HOWARD
I know. It’s like he’s another person.
RAJ
Or the same person but from another dimension?
The three look at each other before breaking to follow SHELDON OS.
CUT TO
10. EXT. REAR OF COMIC CENTER – DAY
ZACK JOHNSON (Penny’s former boyfriend) is posted at the rear entrance to the comic book store, holding a pen and a ledger, trying to look important. SHELDON APPROACHES in a hurry, causing ZACK to take up a defensively posture.
ZACH
Hold on there. No one gets in past this point.
SHELDON
Oh, let me guess. You’re Penny’s bodyguard?
ZACK
Nope, her personal assistant-
SHELDON
Really? ’Cause you look like a doorman.
ZACK
(defensively)
NOT her secretary, mind you. Her personal assistant. That’s a more important position, you know.
SHELDON
(still in a rush)
Sure it is. Who told you that, Penny? Still say you look like a doorman. Now let me by. I have a script from her agent that she’s waiting to receive.
ZACK
You think I haven’t heard that one before? Do you know how many people just today have tried to pull that one on me?
SHELDON
(looks around)
None?
ZACK
(admittedly)
That’s right. It’s been a slow day. But normally at least ONE person tries to sneak in with their script, hoping that Penny will take a look at it.
SHELDON
And how many did it take before you started getting in trouble for letting them by you?
ZACK
That would be four.
SHELDON
Uh-huh.
ZACK
So don’t think I’m about to ever let that happen again.
LEONARD, RAJ, and HOWARD ARRIVE, startled by how confrontational SHELDON is being.
SHELDON
(derisively)
And who’s going to stop me? You?
BERNADETTE EMERGES from the rear entrance, haughtily.
BERNADETTE
(barks)
No! I’m going to!
SHELDON backs away from the door in mild fear, backing up till he is among his friends. BERNADETTE FOLLOWS him, intimidating him.
HOWARD
(reacting in awe)
Hold the phone. Who is that vision of loveliness?
SHELDON
(aside)
Your wife.
HOWARD
(reacts to that, mouth dropped open, then takes a beat)
Is it wrong that I want to kill this other Howard and take his place?
BERNADETTE
Cut out the jibber-jabber, you two, and hit the road!
SHELDON
(defensively)
But I just spoke to Penny on the phone. She said that I could deliver this script to her in person.
BERNADETTE
Sure, like we haven’t heard that old bit before!
PENNY
(OS)
It’s all right, Bernie. He’s telling the truth.
BERNADETTE looks back at the rear entrance, then back at the guys.
LEONARD
So we can go in?
BERNADETTE
Just the string bean! You guys park it on the curb!
SHELDON falters, APPROACHING the rear entrance with nervous hesitation. The guys peer over BERNADETTE’s shoulder trying to get a glimpse of who’s behind the door. With a last look back, SHELDON EXITS through door.
CUT TO
11. INT. COMIC BOOK STORE – DAY
SHELDON tentatively ENTERS the store from a back room entrance and APPROACHES PENNY, who is very aloof and haughty.
PENNY
Well? You have a script for me? Give it here.
(holds out hand)
SHELDON hands her Claire’s script, which she drops carelessly onto a nearby table.
SHELDON
You don’t remember me, do you?
PENNY
(condescendingly)
Honey, if I’d have seen you before, I think I would remember that.
SHELDON
Well would you happen to know a neurobiologist by the name of Amy Farrah Fowler?
PENNY
And if I ever heard of a name like that, I definitely would remember it.
SHELDON drops his head, forlorn. PENNY has a moment of compassion for him.
PENNY
Look. Sweetie. What is it you’re hoping to find here?
SHELDON
I guess a bit of the Penny that I used to know. But she’s gone apparently. And I really am far from home. A stranger in a strange land.
PENNY
And who is this (beat) Amy Fluffy Fluff-fluff?
SHELDON
Amy Farrah Fowler. I don’t know who she is here.
(brightens)
But maybe I can still find out.
SHELDON HEADS back toward rear entrance. PENNY is surprised he is leaving.
PENNY
(disbelieving)
So there really isn’t anything you want of me?
SHELDON
Don’t suppose you know the words to Soft Kitty?
PENNY
Huh?
SHELDON
Never mind. I think I can handle it from here.
SHELDON EXITS.
CUT TO
12. EXT. REAR OF COMIC CENTER – DAY
SHELDON ENTERS from rear door and passes ZACK JOHNSON to re-join RAJ, LEONARD, and HOWARD, who is leering at an annoyed-looking BERNADETTE.
SHELDON
Okay, let’s go.
LEONARD
Well, hold up. What happened in there? Did you accomplish what you came here for?
SHELDON
No. I don’t think anyone can fix this for me but myself. I have to see if the Amy here lives at the same place my Amy used to and hope that I can somehow recreate here what it is that we had there.
SHELDON EXITS, followed by LEONARD and RAJ. HOWARD lingers to hit on BERNADETTE.
BERNADETTE
So, Mama, do you believe in inter-connected trans-dimensional destiny?
BERNADETTE
Do you believe I can put my foot so high, all your grandkids will turn out falsettos?
HOWARD grimaces and quickly EXITS.
CUT TO
13. EXT. COMIC CENTER – DAY
HOWARD catches up to SHELDON, RAJ, and LEONARD at the front of the store.
HOWARD
Okay, let’s go.
LEONARD
How’d it go with your wife?
RAJ
(teasing)
Yeah, will you be making that baby with her anytime soon?
HOWARD makes a face at RAJ.
LEONARD
(in Howard’s defense)
Now-now, at least he got closer than I did with my wife.
HOWARD
So what’s the plan now?
SHELDON
You guys can go home. I’ve got this. From here on, it’s all up to me.
SHELDON EXITS. RAJ, HOWARD, and LEONARD look after him sadly, then look at each other, a but perplexed.
HOWARD
Poor guy. I hope he can do it.
LEONARD
Yeah, me too. But what will that mean for us? Will his actions change anything for us, or will he simply go back to some other universe, leaving us in the same situation, with our old Sheldon back?
RAJ
Oh, that’s a good point. Are we altered versions of ourselves created from actions that he made which then changed our lives, or have we always existed in a separate reality from his, and thus have no fate to reverse?
They all look at each other with no answer.
HOWARD
(cheerily changing the mood)
Cheesecake Factory for dessert?
LEONARD
(also eager to lighten things)
Yes! Good idea! Let’s go. I hear they hired a cute new waitress.
As they EXIT, RAJ adds.
RAJ
Feels like we haven’t been there for years.
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
14. INT. AMY’S APARTMENT – DAY
AMY is sitting in a sofa, rather unkempt and frumpy-looking, reading a medical journal. She has not been paying much attention to her appearance.
SHELDON
(OS, knocking three times)
Amy?
(knocks three more times)
Amy?
(knocks three more times)
Amy?
Confused, AMY gets up and approaches the door, opening it. She is even more confused to see SHELDON standing there.
AMY
Doctor Cooper?
SHELDON ENTERS and hugs AMY. She doesn’t hug back but stands there continuing to look confused by all this.
SHELDON
Oh, Amy, I’m so glad you still live here.
AMY
(her hands out to the side, avoiding touching him back)
Where else would I live?
SHELDON
(stepping back from his embrace)
Well you should be living with me. Sharing my apartment, engaged in a
fair and impartial relationship agreement, and entertaining the
online community with podcasts about the wonderful world of flags.
AMY
(humoring him)
Oh, yes, of course. Why didn’t I think of that. (beat) Why would I be doing any of that?
SHELDON
Because we’re soul mates, Amy Farrah Fowler. Tell me you haven’t felt lonely here in this apartment. Tell me you haven’t felt the need to share it with someone who understands you and feels the same way as you do about the world. Tell me you want to continue existing on your lonesome in this hovel...
AMY looks around her apartment confused by his comment.
SHELDON
(CONT’D)
...when you could be living alongside someone, perhaps a colleague or coworker, who can complete you and give you all your heart desires.
AMY
Well of course I want that.
SHELDON
Good, then let’s the drop the pretense and-
AMY
That’s why I don’t live here alone.
(directs her voice to the back rooms)
Honey?
SHELDON’s worse nightmare is realized as PROFESSOR BERTRAM KIBBLER, a shaggy, unkempt bear of a man, ENTERS from the back rooms.
BERT
What’s going on out here? Doctor Cooper, are you trying to steal my lady?
SHELDON
(shocked almost beyond words)
Bert?
BERT
(drops tough-guy act, which he cannot sustain)
I’m just joshin’ ya. I know you’d never try something like that. Are you here to discuss my latest paper? I don’t know why you refused to collaborate with me on it. It’s up for an award, you know. That would make five of them if I get it.
SHELDON
No, I’m not here-
(jerks head)
Five! Good Lord, what have you been up to!
BERT
Well I-
SHELDON
Never mind, I don’t want to know. What I’m actually here to find out is just how serious your relationship with Miss Amy Farrah Fowler is. Are you two an exclusive couple?
BARRY KRIPKE ENTERS from back rooms, not fully dressed and toweling off from a shower.
KRIPKE
(in a cartoonish reply)
Well now I... wouldn’t say that.
SHELDON’s jaw drops in shock. He runs to back room doors, looking around frantically, then rushes back to AMY.
SHELDON
Amy, do you live here with these two...
(glances over at Kripke and Bert)
well, for lack of a better word: men?
AMY shrugs and gives a mock-innocent smile. SHELDON MOVES toward couch.
SHELDON
Oh I need to sit down.
SHELDON drops onto couch, only to pop up again when the door opens and WIL WHEATON ENTERS.
WIL
Hi Honey, I’m home.
SHELDON faints backward onto the couch.
CUT TO
15. INT. SHELDON’S OLD BEDROOM – NIGHT
SHELDON wakes with a start, jumping up to a sitting position. He looks about himself.
SHELDON
How did they get me back here?
(notices how dark it is)
Nighttime? How long was I out? I can’t believe I fainted.
SHELDON gets out of bed and EXITS.
CUT TO
16. INT. LEONARD’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
SHELDON pokes his head in.
SHELDON
Leonard, are you awake? I need you to drive me to Amy’s place.
LEONARD
(groggily)
You don’t need me to drive you across the hall.
SHELDON
Across the hall? You mean she’s back? You mean I’m back? (beat) Leonard, answer me this. If I’m not in an alternate reality where Penny is a major motion picture celebrity and Amy is living with three men in a reverse Three’s Company situation, then why are you sleeping alone? Hmm?
LEONARD
Because you made Amy feel so bad, Penny stayed with her all night to comfort her.
SHELDON
(nods)
That sounds rational. So that means if I cross the hallway and knock on their door, I won’t see some surly young angry woman who doesn’t want to have anything to do with me?
LEONARD
Well, if Amy’s still pissed, I can’t promise that.
SHELDON
Good enough. I’ll go and see for myself.
SHELDON EXITS and LEONARD checks the time on a clock.
LEONARD
Sheldon, wait, it’s the middle of the night!
LEONARD gets out of bed, throws on a robe, and EXITS.
CUT TO
17. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
SHELDON crosses hallway and approaches the opposite door, knocking three times, then pausing to consider who to ask for.
SHELDON
(beat)
Somebody?
(knocks three more times)
Somebody?
(knocks three more times)
Somebody?
LEONARD ENTERS hall to stop him.
LEONARD
(stage whispering)
Sheldon, stop. Do you know what time it is?
But it is too late. The door is opening and a pissed-looking PENNY is standing there blocking the doorway.
PENNY
What do you want, Sheldon? Come to tell us more about how nothing in your life happens as a result of anybody’s actions but you’re own?
SHELDON
No. In fact, I’ve come to say that I was wrong.
LEONARD
Oh my God. I didn’t know he knew those words. I should be recording this!
SHELDON
(ignoring him)
My life would be so very different without you and your effect on my life. In no small part, it would be empty because I would never have had the gumption without you to let into my heart the woman who grew to be the love of my life, Miss Amy Farrah Fowler. And if I could just see her again, I would promise to be more appreciative of her, and try to do things that would make her feel the same way about me.
AMY MOVES PAST PENNY in the doorway.
AMY
Sheldon, that was beautiful. But where did all of this come from? We were only apart for a few hours.
SHELDON
It may have only been a few hours to you, but it felt much longer to me. In fact, Arthur Jeffries--Professor Proton--came to me and showed me what life would be like if Penny had never moved into this apartment...
LEONARD reacts to this with disbelief and some concern for his friend’s mental health.
SHELDON
(CONT’D)
...a world where Penny went on to
become a big movie star and you had others lovers, and I (beat) was miserable without you.
AMY
(hugs him)
Oh, Sheldon, there could never be anyone but you in my life.
PENNY
(stepping forward out of doorway)
I was a what now?
SHELDON
(leaning back from her embrace)
Not even Bertram Kibbler?
AMY makes a face and shakes her head.
SHELDON
Or Barry Kripke?
AMY
No, Sheldon.
PENNY
Something about a big movie star.
SHELDON
(ignoring Penny)
Or Wil Wheaton?
AMY
Hmm, maybe Wil.
SHELDON reacts.
AMY
I’m just kidding. Come here, ya big lug.
AMY pulls SHELDON back into her embrace, as PENNY still tries to get more out of him.
PENNY
How big are we talking?
AMY
Come on, Sheldon. Let’s go to bed.
AMY leads SHELDON to their apartment and EXIT the hallway, closing the door behind them.
PENNY
(to the closed door)
Like Jennifer Lawrence big?
LEONARD takes PENNY by the arm and leads her to their apartment.
LEONARD
Come on, my big movie star. Let’s go to bed ourselves.
PENNY
(allowing herself to be led away but still calling back over her shoulder)
Scarlett Johansen big?
LEONARD
(playfully)
I know a movie we can film right here and now, with you in the lead role.
PENNY
Well if you’re my costar, I want to see who your stunt double is.
LEONARD
(EXITING)
Ouch, that hurt.
PENNY
(calling across hall before disappearing into apartment)
I’d settle for Kristen Stewart big.
PENNY is pulled back and door shuts.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
TAG
18. INT. CHEESECAKE FACTORY – EVENING
SHELDON, LEONARD, AMY, PENNY, RAJ, HOWARD, and BERNADETTE are seated around a table, smiling happily.
RAJ
Sheldon, on behalf of everyone, I would like to say thank you for treating us all to a dinner out like this. It was a wonderful surprise.
HOWARD
(aside)
For "a wonderful life".
SHELDON
What’s that?
HOWARD
Well, you can’t overlook the obvious comparison to the film "It’s a Wonderful Life". The angel seeking his wings. Showing you a world with an alternate reality. Not necessarily one where you were never born.
(aside)
That would be a wonderful life for the rest of us.
BERNADETTE slaps HOWARD’s arm.
BERNADETTE
Stop! Don’t ruin this! How often do we get to eat out, and let someone else take care of the baby for a change?
HOWARD
With Raj and Stuart around... whenever we want.
RAJ
Just remember that I’m your first choice, okay. Stuart has Halley tonight, but I have dibs on your next outing.
PENNY
So Sheldon, tell me again about this movie I was making.
SHELDON
Well it took place in a comic book store... (beat) You know, Wolowitz is right for a change. This did all have the elements of that Frank Capra Christmas classic.
LEONARD
And it’s not even Christmas.
SHELDON
Well before TV made "It’s a Wonderful Life" a holiday tradition, it was considered a box office failure and didn’t achieve the recognition it currently enjoys for decades.
HOWARD
(nudging Bernadette and pointing teasingly)
Oh, look. Teacher says, "Whenever Sheldon brings up an unnecessary fact, an angel tries to hang itself with its wings."
BERNADETTE slaps his arm again, smiling.
AMY
So what was the lesson you learned from this dream of yours, Sheldon?
SHELDON
(looks at Amy)
Never to take for granted to people in your life.
SHELDON raises his glass, and the rest do the same.
HOWARD
God bless us, everyone.
SHELDON
Wrong movie.
(starts)
Oh, now what did you have to make me go and think of the Scrooge story for? Do you know what kind of a dream I’m liable to have tonight, now that you put that idea in my head?
HOWARD
(smiling)
Yes, and now I’m dying to hear how that one turns out.
RAJ
Ooh! Make me the Ghost of Christmas Past.
LEONARD
(disgustedly to Penny)
Knowing him, I’ll probably end up being Tiny Tim.
PENNY laughs and hugs LEONARD around the shoulder. SHLEDON and AMY look at each other fondly and sip their drinks.
FADE OUT
END OF SHOW
FADE IN
1. INT. LEONARD’S APT - EVENING
LEONARD, SHELDON, HOWARD, RAJ, PENNY, AMY, and BERNADETTE are seated in their usual places eating takeout from little containers.
PENNY
(making a face at her food)
Ya know, (beat) I’m getting a little tired of eating takeout from the same place week after week.
AMY
(excitedly)
Ooh, wouldn’t it be nice to actually dine AT a restaurant instead of eating it here?
SHELDON
(crinkling his nose)
Oh, that sounds perfectly awful. Having to listen to other people’s intrusive conversing. Not knowing if any of them are eavesdropping on our own. And then there’s the seating. Is there a rule that all restaurant chairs must be as stiff and uncomfortable as possible, in order to encourage diners to hurry up and finish their meals so the next diners can move in? (beat) Penny?
PENNY
(confused)
What are you asking me for?
SHELDON
Well, you did work at The Cheesecake Factory.
PENNY
Yes, but I--
AMY
Hold on a second.
(turns to Sheldon)
That was a restaurant you used to go to a lot, right? Why did you stop?
SHELDON
(indicating Leonard)
Because this one here finally got what he wanted off the menu.
LEONARD reacts with minor annoyance, while PENNY smiles knowingly.
AMY
(still to Sheldon)
So now that Penny’s here, you don’t go there anymore?
SHELDON
Now that Penny’s here, we don’t have to do a lot of unpleasant things anymore.
AMY
Well that’s not fair. And eating out isn’t an unpleasant experience. Especially if it’s with people you enjoy being with.
BERNADETTE
Yeah! I agree! There’s nothing like eating in a nice restaurant with romantic lighting and fine atmosphere.
SFX: Baby crying from offstage.
BERNADETTE
Of course, there is something to be said for not having to
breastfeed in a special bathroom with questionable hygiene. Excuse me!
BERNADETTE hops up and heads off toward the back rooms.
BERNADETTE
Mommy’s coming, sweetheart!
(EXITS)
SHELDON
See? Even Bernadette agrees with me.
HOWARD
Yeah, but I wouldn’t go by her opinion. She applied that same reasoning to: going to the movies, visiting a museum -- oh, and going back to work.
SHELDON
(to Amy)
Well anyway, you’re still enjoying the same company you would at a restaurant. You can adjust the lighting and set any mood you want. Not to mention temperature, music, or anything else you would like. Plus, there’s the added benefit of not having strangers around to spoil the experience. It’s a win-win scenario!
AMY
Well, I don’t agree with that.
SHELDON
Of course you do. Do I have to remind you of Addendum 59 of the Relationship Agreement?
AMY makes a sour face and looks away. PENNY begins to smirk to herself, which LEONARD notices.
LEONARD
What are you smiling about?
PENNY
Just realizing how every one of your lives has turned out the way it has (beat) because I entered it.
All make little scoffing sounds at this, but SHELDON is the most vocal, as well as the most offended by this declaration.
SHELDON
Oh, that is simply not true. You are implying that none of us are capable of accomplishing that which we have without your contribution. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but I find that highly insulting.
RAJ
Well now maybe she has a point.
HOWARD
(also concedes)
And, if it weren’t for Penny, I wouldn’t have that tiny bundle of joy in the other room in my life. Or the tiny bundle of joy that came out of her.
LEONARD
Naturally, my life would certainly be different without Penny in it.
AMY
And even though Penny didn’t introduce us originally, if it weren’t for her, I doubt I would have become a welcome member of your little group.
SHELDON
Well I can’t imagine how my life’s accomplishments were in any way affected by any one person’s intrusion into my world, and
especially one who doesn’t even work with me.
AMY
(flatly)
Really. After what I just said, you can’t imagine anything different.
SHELDON
(thinks for a bit)
No, not at all.
AMY
(rises in a huff)
Well then maybe you should spend the night alone, and then perhaps something will come to you!
(EXITS)
SHELDON
(stares after Amy with an open-mouthed expression of shock, then turns to the group)
Now what do you suppose is eating her?
PENNY
(hops up to follow Amy)
I’d better go talk to her. And maybe one of you geniuses can explain just what it is that Sheldon said to upset her so much.
(crosses and EXITS)
SHELDON
glances at each one in turn, as they continue eating their food and consider what to say.
SHELDON
Well, does anyone care to explain what just happened here?
HOWARD
(giving in)
Sure, I’ll take a stab at this. You know how Peter Parker only got his superpowers once he was bitten by a radioactive spider.
SHELDON nods.
HOWARD
Well in this scenario, you’re Peter Parker and Penny is the radioactive spider.
SHELDON
(trying to follow)
And Amy is the potentially toxic radioactivity?
HOWARD
(beat)
Sure, let’s go with that.
SHELDON
But now wait a minute. I became me because of no one else but me. I refuse to believe that one person’s presence can have that much of an effect--
LEONARD
Oh now hold on. How many of your favorite movies, TV shows, and comic books have storylines based on the premise that what one person does can make a difference, not only to those around him, but to people he has never even interacted with or met?
RAJ
Yes, I always thought you subscribed to the butterfly effect.
SHELDON
I do, with one caveat. Certain people--myself included--go through life with a natural built-in defense against such butterfly effects. An immunity to it, if you will.
LEONARD
(disgustedly)
Aw, now you’re just making things up. Come on, admit it. If it weren’t for Penny, your life would be nothing like what it is today.
SHELDON
I’ll admit no such thing.
PENNY
(ENTERS)
Then make yourself comfortable in your old room tonight, because that’s where you’ll be sleeping.
SHELDON reacts in indignation.
CUT TO
MAIN TITLES
END OF COLD OPEN
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
ACT ONE
2. INT. SHELDON’S OLD BEDROOM – MORNING
Sheldon is lying in bed, beginning to wake up. Without raising his head or opening his eyes, he pats the bed about himself with his hand. Feeling it is empty, he raises his head and looks around, confirming that he is alone.
SHELDON
(sourly)
Women!
He gets out of bed and reaches for his robe.
3. INT. LEONARD’S APT – MORNING
LEONARD is standing in the kitchen area with a bowl of cold cereal in his hand. SHELDON ENTERS and looks around. The room has considerably more movie and superhero posters, statues, and decorative collectibles than ever before.
SHELDON
(shocked)
Penny let you do this?
LEONARD
(looking up from food)
What was that?
SHELDON
Oh, never mind. Where is that trouble-making wife of yours?
LEONARD
My what?
SHELDON
Your wife. You know. Penny.
LEONARD
Sheldon, are you feeling well?
SHELDON
Considering I had to spend the night alone in my old bed--which to my surprise wasn’t as relaxing and comfortable as I would have thought it to be--I would have to say that the answer is No.
LEONARD
Sheldon, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You slept in the same bed you’ve been sleeping in for years. Why should it be any different?
SHELDON
And you?
LEONARD
Slept in my own bed. Just like every other night.
SHELDON
Alone?
LEONARD
Well you don’t have to rub it in.
SHELDON heads toward the back rooms, stopping first to look up and down at a new statue before he EXITS. LEONARD watched this with a confused look. SHELDON ENTERS again.
SHELDON
(pointing to the front door)
Is Penny across the hall with Amy?
LEONARD
What Penny? Who’s Amy? What are talking about?
SHELDON crosses to the front door and EXITS. LEONARD puts down his cereal bowl and starts to follow.
LEONARD
(whining)
Sheldon, wait!
CUT TO
4. INT. HALLWAY – MORNING
SHELDON crosses the hall and approaches the door to the apartment on the other side.
SHELDON
(knocks three times)
Penny?
(knocks three times)
Penny?
(knocks three times)
Penny?
LEONARD ENTERS, hanging back slightly as he tries to draw SHELDON back away from the door.
LEONARD
(stage whispers)
Sheldon! Get away from that door!
The door opens to reveal a tough but pretty young female NEIGHBOR in her sleepwear.
NEIGHBOR
(mildly annoyed)
Yes?
SHELDON
(shocked)
Who are you?
NEIGHBOR
What business is that of yours?
SHELDON
Are you a friend of Amy’s?
NEIGHBOR
Who’s Amy?
SHELDON
(making a move as if to enter her apartment)
Oh, I need to get to the bottom of this.
LEONARD
(moving forward to hold him back)
Sheldon! What are you doing? You don’t belong there.
SHELDON
Yes! Yes, I do! I live there now with my girlfriend.
NEIGHBOR
First: Ew! Secondly, if you try to come in here again, you’ll leave me no choice but to use this.
NEIGHBOR takes a bat out from behind the door frame and pats her other hand with it. SHELDON backs up, as LEONARD tries to steer him back to their apartment.
SHELDON
(weakly, to Leonard)
But I... But she... But we...
LEONARD
(pats him consolingly, as he backs him toward their apartment)
I know, I know, buddy. Now why don’t you come back inside and you can tell me all about it.
SHELDON halts in one last act of defiance, staring across at his NEIGHBOR, who holds up a canister she had concealed on her person.
NEIGHBOR
I have pepper spray, if you prefer that.
SHELDON looks at her for a beat before turning and darting to his old apartment with LEONARD.
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
5. INT. LEONARD’S APT – MORNING
LEONARD brings a cup of steaming hot tea to SHELDON, where he is sitting at the kitchen table, then sits as well.
LEONARD
So what do you think this is? A slide into an alternate dimension, a wish granted from some unknown source... Of course, it is possible that you just dreamed up this whole other life as a bit of wish-fulfillment.
SHELDON
(gives him an unpleasant look)
Then why do I only remember that other life and have no idea what’s been happening in this one?
HOWARD
(OS)
Let’s not rule out the possibility that you had a mental episode, concocted by your mind as a means of escaping your depressing real life.
SHELDON
(sits moodily for a beat)
I don’t know why you had to Skype Wolowitz and tell him about this.
LEONARD brings laptop to table, on which HOWARD’s smiling face can be seen on its screen. He is obviously enjoying SHELDON’s discomfort.
LEONARD
Okay, here’s what I don’t get. If that was a fantasy life created in his mind, why would he give me the hot actress to marry? Sounds more like a fantasy created for me.
HOWARD
And what about me? Do I have someone?
SHELDON
(still moody)
Yes, a beautiful wife and daughter.
RAJ’s face appears next to HOWARD’s on the laptop screen.
RAJ
Ooh, me next. Do I have anyone?
SHELDON
No.
RAJ
(mutters grumpily)
Figures. Even in Sheldon’s fantasy world I don’t have a woman.
SHELDON slumps over to his favorite spot on the couch and sighs.
RAJ
Well I’d better get back to my chores.
(EXITS from screen)
LEONARD
(looking over at Sheldon but speaking to Howard)
I don’t know, I’ve never seen him like this; he’s really depressed.
HOWARD
Personally, I don’t know how he isn’t depressed every day of his life just from being him.
LEONARD
No, I’m serious. This isn’t just--
SHELDON
What’s this?
LEONARD looks over to see SHELDON holding up a flyer advertising a film shoot.
LEONARD
(turns the laptop to face the rest of the room and walks over to the couch)
Don’t you remember? The comic store is closed today because they’re filming a scene for a big motion picture there. It’s a big thing for Stuart.
SHELDON
But this is Penny. This is her, this is your wife!
LEONARD
Okay, now you’re trying to tell me that in this other reality I’m married to Hollywood superstar "Penny!" Biggest celebrity of our time. Most popular name at the box office. So famous she doesn’t even use a last name.
SHELDON
Well, she isn’t a celebrity in my world.
LEONARD looks over at HOWARD on the monitor, both sharing a look of obvious disbelief.
SHELDON
(jumps up and heads to front door)
We’ve got to go to the comic store. We’ve got to see Penny.
LEONARD
Don’t you want to dress first?
SHELDON
(glancing down at his robe)
Good idea.
As SHELDON EXITS to the back rooms, LEONARD turns back to HOWARD.
LEONARD
(shrugs)
Looks like we’re going to the comic store. Maybe Stuart can get us in when they’re not shooting.
HOWARD
Okay. I’m over at Koothrappalli’s, so why don’t you stop here first?
LEONARD
All right. See you there.
CUT TO
6. INT. SHELDON’S OLD BEDROOM – MORNING
Sheldon is finishing dressing, surprised to find the late ARTHUR JEFFRIES (PROFESSOR PROTON) ENTER his room.
ARTHUR
(allows a beat, as Sheldon stares at him)
Hello.
SHELDON
Arthur? Are you not dead in this reality?
ARTHUR
Oh I’m dead.
SHELDON
Then you’re here as an angel?
ARTHUR
Well not quite. I haven’t earned my wings yet.
SHELDON
Oh I see. So you’re here to show me what my life could be like, so that I appreciate my life and the people in it all the more.
ARTHUR
No, I’m just here to give you what you want. A life where your destiny is determined only by your own actions and not by some chance encounter with a wannabe actress.
(beat)
That is what you want, right?
SHELDON
Well of course, but...
ARTHUR
So then where are you going?
SHELDON
I have to go down to the comic book store because...
ARTHUR
Because you’re trying to provoke a chance encounter with that very same actress?
SHELDON
Um, yes.
ARTHUR
That’s what I thought. Here I am trying to do something for you, which can possibly earn me my wings, and you’re about to undo all my efforts.
SHELDON
But Arthur. It’s not me I’m worried about. I can correct my own life. It’s in my power to do so. I’m just thinking of all my friends. They lost relationships, a family. I don’t want to see them unhappy.
ARTHUR
But you’re happy?
SHELDON
Well not right now. But I can fix that easily. Now I’m sorry Arthur, but I have to go.
SHELDON pushes past ARTHUR to EXIT.
ARTHUR
(chuckles to self)
Thinks he can fix it easily, does he? This I have to see.
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
7. INT. RAJ’S APARTMENT – DAY
HOWARD answers door to let in LEONARD and SHELDON.
HOWARD
So, Sheldon, anything else change in between leaving your apartment and getting here? Was Leonard actually your girlfriend in another life? Is Raj supposed to be a servant himself instead of coming from a rich family that has a house full of them?
(aside)
Now that’s a world I’d love to take a peek in on.
SHELDON
(sarcastically)
Very funny. Ha-Ha. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up and find everything you know suddenly transformed into something else.
RAJ ENTERS from back rooms, hurrying quickly.
RAJ
(rushing)
Okay, come on, let’s go!
SHELDON
Well what’s the matter with you?
RAJ
(nervously)
Nothing. Come on. Hurry up, you don’t want to be late for the shoot.
EMILY
(OS, sing-song)
Oh Koothrappalli!
RAJ
Oh, no. Too late.
SHELDON
Late? Too late for what?
HOWARD
(sinfully amused)
Just sit back and enjoy it.
EMILY and CLAIRE ENTER from back rooms, then plant hands on hips and glare at RAJ.
EMILY
Don’t tell me you’re planning to run out of here without completing your chores. My room is still waiting to be cleaned.
CLAIRE
And my bathtub is not going to scrub itself.
RAJ adopts his old, menial expression, unable to speak to them because they are attractive females. He simply nods subserviently with his hands clasped together and starts to move off to the back rooms. He stops at SHELDON’s words.
SHELDON
Now hold on a minute! Raj? What are you doing? You’ve dated both of these women at the same time and juggled them like they were insignificant. You tell them they can clean their own things, and let’s get to the comic store before Penny leaves.
RAJ looks appalled at what SHELDON says, while the rest listen amused.
HOWARD
Wait a second. Are you telling us that in this other reality of yours Raj dated both Emily and Claire?
SHELDON nods.
HOWARD
At the same time.
SHELDON raises his eyebrows and nods with a half shrug, as he was never able to understand it either. After a beat, they ALL LAUGH at him, except RAJ, who is still too stunned.
CLAIRE
Hey, wait! Are you trying to get in to see Penny, the movie star?
SHELDON
Yes, she’s a close personal friend of ours and I know everything about her.
CLAIRE
I tell you what. You take my screenplay with you and make sure she gets it, and you can have Raj for the whole afternoon.
SHELDON
Deal. Get me your script.
CLAIRE walks over to a nearby desk and picks up a thick bound batch of papers and hands it to SHELDON.
SHELDON
Great, now let’s go.
SHELDON pushes RAJ ahead of him to the door, as LEONARD and HOWARD follow. They EXIT, leaving EMILY and CLAIRE to look at each other bewildered.
EMILY
What the hell was that tall, skinny one talking about?
CLAIRE
I don’t know, but if there’s a chance he can get my script into Penny’s hands, I really would date Raj.
CUT TO
8. EXT. RAJ’S APARTMENT
LEONARD halts the rest in the hall outside RAJ’s apartment.
LEONARD
Okay guys, what’s the game plan here? You know we’re not gonna get within a hundred feet of Penny.
SHELDON
Of course we are.
HOWARD
I’m gonna have to side with Leonard on this one. We won’t be able to get anywhere near her.
SHELDON
That’s not true. You’re forgetting we have an ace in the hole.
LEONARD
And what’s that?
SHELDON
You. Her soul mate. You two aren’t together here because you’ve never met one another, but once that changes, it should set things in motion that will follow a course similar to the one from my world.
RAJ
And you actually believe that’s going to happen?
SHELDON
(vulnerable)
Well I have to. Because if there’s no hope for Leonard and Penny, then what hope do I have that I can correct my fate?
LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJ look at each other, then nod and accompany SHELDON to EXIT the hallway.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
ACT TWO
9. EXT. COMIC CENTER – DAY
SHELDON, LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJ ARRIVE at a mob scene outside the comic book store. They can barely see inside.
LEONARD
Well, now what? We can’t even get anywhere near the entrance, much less get inside. And it doesn’t look like we would be able to get inside even without all these fans here trying to watch the shoot.
SHELDON tries not to look disheartened but cannot pull it off. He suddenly brightens upon getting an idea. He takes his phone out and dials.
PENNY
(OS, filtered over phone, annoyed)
This better be good.
SHELDON
(into phone)
Special delivery for Penny. Is this Penny, the superstar actress?
PENNY
(OS, filtered over phone)
Yeah, but I didn’t order anything.
SHELDON
(hurriedly, before she can hang up)
Oh, but this is from your agent. He has a script for you to see that he’s sure will win you an Oscar. I’m outside where you’re filming now, but I can’t get in to deliver it to you.
PENNY
(beat)
Well, I guess you wouldn’t have my number if you weren’t legit, so I guess I can trust you. Meet me in the back of the comic book store. I’ll clear it with my people.
PENNY hangs up and SHELDON puts his phone away. LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJ are looking at him, shocked.
RAJ
Dude! How do you have Penny’s number?
SHELDON
I told you. She’s a close personal friend of mine.
LEONARD
(not daring to believe)
And my wife?
HOWARD
Guys, I’m starting to get the weird feeling that this isn’t just one of Sheldon’s little peculiar oddities. Could there be some truth to what he’s been talking about?
LEONARD
If so, it’s gotta be the strangest case of science fiction-turned-fact I’ve ever heard of.
RAJ
And just how many cases have you heard of?
LEONARD
Well, (beat) none actually. This is pretty unprecedented. We’re on uncharted waters here.
RAJ
This must be how it feels to discover a new continent.
HOWARD
(dreamily)
Or go into space.
SHELDON
Oh, you’ve done that already.
HOWARD
What?
SHELDON
Yeah, out in orbit, the whole astronaut thing. You never shut up about it either.
HOWARD
Damn, this other Howard’s life is so much better than mine!
SHELDON
Come on, she said she’ll meet us behind the store.
They start to WALK along the side of the building until they STOP upon finding STUART sitting on the floor by the trash bins.
LEONARD
Stuart? What are you doing here?
STUART
They said only authorized film crew personnel were allowed on set.
RAJ
But that’s your store.
STUART
Yes, but Penny has a real tough bodyguard who’s enforcing the rules for her. And they pointed
out that they’re paying me enough to keep me away as well. Apparently I give Penny the creeps.
HOWARD
(aside)
Understandable.
STUART
Where are you guys going?
SHELDON
To the back of your store to see Penny.
STUART
Well good luck with that, but I doubt you’ll get past her guard.
SHELDON
Well we’ll just see about that.
SHELDON strides OS determinedly.
LEONARD
I’ve never seen Sheldon act this forcefully and confidently out in public like this before.
HOWARD
I know. It’s like he’s another person.
RAJ
Or the same person but from another dimension?
The three look at each other before breaking to follow SHELDON OS.
CUT TO
10. EXT. REAR OF COMIC CENTER – DAY
ZACK JOHNSON (Penny’s former boyfriend) is posted at the rear entrance to the comic book store, holding a pen and a ledger, trying to look important. SHELDON APPROACHES in a hurry, causing ZACK to take up a defensively posture.
ZACH
Hold on there. No one gets in past this point.
SHELDON
Oh, let me guess. You’re Penny’s bodyguard?
ZACK
Nope, her personal assistant-
SHELDON
Really? ’Cause you look like a doorman.
ZACK
(defensively)
NOT her secretary, mind you. Her personal assistant. That’s a more important position, you know.
SHELDON
(still in a rush)
Sure it is. Who told you that, Penny? Still say you look like a doorman. Now let me by. I have a script from her agent that she’s waiting to receive.
ZACK
You think I haven’t heard that one before? Do you know how many people just today have tried to pull that one on me?
SHELDON
(looks around)
None?
ZACK
(admittedly)
That’s right. It’s been a slow day. But normally at least ONE person tries to sneak in with their script, hoping that Penny will take a look at it.
SHELDON
And how many did it take before you started getting in trouble for letting them by you?
ZACK
That would be four.
SHELDON
Uh-huh.
ZACK
So don’t think I’m about to ever let that happen again.
LEONARD, RAJ, and HOWARD ARRIVE, startled by how confrontational SHELDON is being.
SHELDON
(derisively)
And who’s going to stop me? You?
BERNADETTE EMERGES from the rear entrance, haughtily.
BERNADETTE
(barks)
No! I’m going to!
SHELDON backs away from the door in mild fear, backing up till he is among his friends. BERNADETTE FOLLOWS him, intimidating him.
HOWARD
(reacting in awe)
Hold the phone. Who is that vision of loveliness?
SHELDON
(aside)
Your wife.
HOWARD
(reacts to that, mouth dropped open, then takes a beat)
Is it wrong that I want to kill this other Howard and take his place?
BERNADETTE
Cut out the jibber-jabber, you two, and hit the road!
SHELDON
(defensively)
But I just spoke to Penny on the phone. She said that I could deliver this script to her in person.
BERNADETTE
Sure, like we haven’t heard that old bit before!
PENNY
(OS)
It’s all right, Bernie. He’s telling the truth.
BERNADETTE looks back at the rear entrance, then back at the guys.
LEONARD
So we can go in?
BERNADETTE
Just the string bean! You guys park it on the curb!
SHELDON falters, APPROACHING the rear entrance with nervous hesitation. The guys peer over BERNADETTE’s shoulder trying to get a glimpse of who’s behind the door. With a last look back, SHELDON EXITS through door.
CUT TO
11. INT. COMIC BOOK STORE – DAY
SHELDON tentatively ENTERS the store from a back room entrance and APPROACHES PENNY, who is very aloof and haughty.
PENNY
Well? You have a script for me? Give it here.
(holds out hand)
SHELDON hands her Claire’s script, which she drops carelessly onto a nearby table.
SHELDON
You don’t remember me, do you?
PENNY
(condescendingly)
Honey, if I’d have seen you before, I think I would remember that.
SHELDON
Well would you happen to know a neurobiologist by the name of Amy Farrah Fowler?
PENNY
And if I ever heard of a name like that, I definitely would remember it.
SHELDON drops his head, forlorn. PENNY has a moment of compassion for him.
PENNY
Look. Sweetie. What is it you’re hoping to find here?
SHELDON
I guess a bit of the Penny that I used to know. But she’s gone apparently. And I really am far from home. A stranger in a strange land.
PENNY
And who is this (beat) Amy Fluffy Fluff-fluff?
SHELDON
Amy Farrah Fowler. I don’t know who she is here.
(brightens)
But maybe I can still find out.
SHELDON HEADS back toward rear entrance. PENNY is surprised he is leaving.
PENNY
(disbelieving)
So there really isn’t anything you want of me?
SHELDON
Don’t suppose you know the words to Soft Kitty?
PENNY
Huh?
SHELDON
Never mind. I think I can handle it from here.
SHELDON EXITS.
CUT TO
12. EXT. REAR OF COMIC CENTER – DAY
SHELDON ENTERS from rear door and passes ZACK JOHNSON to re-join RAJ, LEONARD, and HOWARD, who is leering at an annoyed-looking BERNADETTE.
SHELDON
Okay, let’s go.
LEONARD
Well, hold up. What happened in there? Did you accomplish what you came here for?
SHELDON
No. I don’t think anyone can fix this for me but myself. I have to see if the Amy here lives at the same place my Amy used to and hope that I can somehow recreate here what it is that we had there.
SHELDON EXITS, followed by LEONARD and RAJ. HOWARD lingers to hit on BERNADETTE.
BERNADETTE
So, Mama, do you believe in inter-connected trans-dimensional destiny?
BERNADETTE
Do you believe I can put my foot so high, all your grandkids will turn out falsettos?
HOWARD grimaces and quickly EXITS.
CUT TO
13. EXT. COMIC CENTER – DAY
HOWARD catches up to SHELDON, RAJ, and LEONARD at the front of the store.
HOWARD
Okay, let’s go.
LEONARD
How’d it go with your wife?
RAJ
(teasing)
Yeah, will you be making that baby with her anytime soon?
HOWARD makes a face at RAJ.
LEONARD
(in Howard’s defense)
Now-now, at least he got closer than I did with my wife.
HOWARD
So what’s the plan now?
SHELDON
You guys can go home. I’ve got this. From here on, it’s all up to me.
SHELDON EXITS. RAJ, HOWARD, and LEONARD look after him sadly, then look at each other, a but perplexed.
HOWARD
Poor guy. I hope he can do it.
LEONARD
Yeah, me too. But what will that mean for us? Will his actions change anything for us, or will he simply go back to some other universe, leaving us in the same situation, with our old Sheldon back?
RAJ
Oh, that’s a good point. Are we altered versions of ourselves created from actions that he made which then changed our lives, or have we always existed in a separate reality from his, and thus have no fate to reverse?
They all look at each other with no answer.
HOWARD
(cheerily changing the mood)
Cheesecake Factory for dessert?
LEONARD
(also eager to lighten things)
Yes! Good idea! Let’s go. I hear they hired a cute new waitress.
As they EXIT, RAJ adds.
RAJ
Feels like we haven’t been there for years.
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
14. INT. AMY’S APARTMENT – DAY
AMY is sitting in a sofa, rather unkempt and frumpy-looking, reading a medical journal. She has not been paying much attention to her appearance.
SHELDON
(OS, knocking three times)
Amy?
(knocks three more times)
Amy?
(knocks three more times)
Amy?
Confused, AMY gets up and approaches the door, opening it. She is even more confused to see SHELDON standing there.
AMY
Doctor Cooper?
SHELDON ENTERS and hugs AMY. She doesn’t hug back but stands there continuing to look confused by all this.
SHELDON
Oh, Amy, I’m so glad you still live here.
AMY
(her hands out to the side, avoiding touching him back)
Where else would I live?
SHELDON
(stepping back from his embrace)
Well you should be living with me. Sharing my apartment, engaged in a
fair and impartial relationship agreement, and entertaining the
online community with podcasts about the wonderful world of flags.
AMY
(humoring him)
Oh, yes, of course. Why didn’t I think of that. (beat) Why would I be doing any of that?
SHELDON
Because we’re soul mates, Amy Farrah Fowler. Tell me you haven’t felt lonely here in this apartment. Tell me you haven’t felt the need to share it with someone who understands you and feels the same way as you do about the world. Tell me you want to continue existing on your lonesome in this hovel...
AMY looks around her apartment confused by his comment.
SHELDON
(CONT’D)
...when you could be living alongside someone, perhaps a colleague or coworker, who can complete you and give you all your heart desires.
AMY
Well of course I want that.
SHELDON
Good, then let’s the drop the pretense and-
AMY
That’s why I don’t live here alone.
(directs her voice to the back rooms)
Honey?
SHELDON’s worse nightmare is realized as PROFESSOR BERTRAM KIBBLER, a shaggy, unkempt bear of a man, ENTERS from the back rooms.
BERT
What’s going on out here? Doctor Cooper, are you trying to steal my lady?
SHELDON
(shocked almost beyond words)
Bert?
BERT
(drops tough-guy act, which he cannot sustain)
I’m just joshin’ ya. I know you’d never try something like that. Are you here to discuss my latest paper? I don’t know why you refused to collaborate with me on it. It’s up for an award, you know. That would make five of them if I get it.
SHELDON
No, I’m not here-
(jerks head)
Five! Good Lord, what have you been up to!
BERT
Well I-
SHELDON
Never mind, I don’t want to know. What I’m actually here to find out is just how serious your relationship with Miss Amy Farrah Fowler is. Are you two an exclusive couple?
BARRY KRIPKE ENTERS from back rooms, not fully dressed and toweling off from a shower.
KRIPKE
(in a cartoonish reply)
Well now I... wouldn’t say that.
SHELDON’s jaw drops in shock. He runs to back room doors, looking around frantically, then rushes back to AMY.
SHELDON
Amy, do you live here with these two...
(glances over at Kripke and Bert)
well, for lack of a better word: men?
AMY shrugs and gives a mock-innocent smile. SHELDON MOVES toward couch.
SHELDON
Oh I need to sit down.
SHELDON drops onto couch, only to pop up again when the door opens and WIL WHEATON ENTERS.
WIL
Hi Honey, I’m home.
SHELDON faints backward onto the couch.
CUT TO
15. INT. SHELDON’S OLD BEDROOM – NIGHT
SHELDON wakes with a start, jumping up to a sitting position. He looks about himself.
SHELDON
How did they get me back here?
(notices how dark it is)
Nighttime? How long was I out? I can’t believe I fainted.
SHELDON gets out of bed and EXITS.
CUT TO
16. INT. LEONARD’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
SHELDON pokes his head in.
SHELDON
Leonard, are you awake? I need you to drive me to Amy’s place.
LEONARD
(groggily)
You don’t need me to drive you across the hall.
SHELDON
Across the hall? You mean she’s back? You mean I’m back? (beat) Leonard, answer me this. If I’m not in an alternate reality where Penny is a major motion picture celebrity and Amy is living with three men in a reverse Three’s Company situation, then why are you sleeping alone? Hmm?
LEONARD
Because you made Amy feel so bad, Penny stayed with her all night to comfort her.
SHELDON
(nods)
That sounds rational. So that means if I cross the hallway and knock on their door, I won’t see some surly young angry woman who doesn’t want to have anything to do with me?
LEONARD
Well, if Amy’s still pissed, I can’t promise that.
SHELDON
Good enough. I’ll go and see for myself.
SHELDON EXITS and LEONARD checks the time on a clock.
LEONARD
Sheldon, wait, it’s the middle of the night!
LEONARD gets out of bed, throws on a robe, and EXITS.
CUT TO
17. INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
SHELDON crosses hallway and approaches the opposite door, knocking three times, then pausing to consider who to ask for.
SHELDON
(beat)
Somebody?
(knocks three more times)
Somebody?
(knocks three more times)
Somebody?
LEONARD ENTERS hall to stop him.
LEONARD
(stage whispering)
Sheldon, stop. Do you know what time it is?
But it is too late. The door is opening and a pissed-looking PENNY is standing there blocking the doorway.
PENNY
What do you want, Sheldon? Come to tell us more about how nothing in your life happens as a result of anybody’s actions but you’re own?
SHELDON
No. In fact, I’ve come to say that I was wrong.
LEONARD
Oh my God. I didn’t know he knew those words. I should be recording this!
SHELDON
(ignoring him)
My life would be so very different without you and your effect on my life. In no small part, it would be empty because I would never have had the gumption without you to let into my heart the woman who grew to be the love of my life, Miss Amy Farrah Fowler. And if I could just see her again, I would promise to be more appreciative of her, and try to do things that would make her feel the same way about me.
AMY MOVES PAST PENNY in the doorway.
AMY
Sheldon, that was beautiful. But where did all of this come from? We were only apart for a few hours.
SHELDON
It may have only been a few hours to you, but it felt much longer to me. In fact, Arthur Jeffries--Professor Proton--came to me and showed me what life would be like if Penny had never moved into this apartment...
LEONARD reacts to this with disbelief and some concern for his friend’s mental health.
SHELDON
(CONT’D)
...a world where Penny went on to
become a big movie star and you had others lovers, and I (beat) was miserable without you.
AMY
(hugs him)
Oh, Sheldon, there could never be anyone but you in my life.
PENNY
(stepping forward out of doorway)
I was a what now?
SHELDON
(leaning back from her embrace)
Not even Bertram Kibbler?
AMY makes a face and shakes her head.
SHELDON
Or Barry Kripke?
AMY
No, Sheldon.
PENNY
Something about a big movie star.
SHELDON
(ignoring Penny)
Or Wil Wheaton?
AMY
Hmm, maybe Wil.
SHELDON reacts.
AMY
I’m just kidding. Come here, ya big lug.
AMY pulls SHELDON back into her embrace, as PENNY still tries to get more out of him.
PENNY
How big are we talking?
AMY
Come on, Sheldon. Let’s go to bed.
AMY leads SHELDON to their apartment and EXIT the hallway, closing the door behind them.
PENNY
(to the closed door)
Like Jennifer Lawrence big?
LEONARD takes PENNY by the arm and leads her to their apartment.
LEONARD
Come on, my big movie star. Let’s go to bed ourselves.
PENNY
(allowing herself to be led away but still calling back over her shoulder)
Scarlett Johansen big?
LEONARD
(playfully)
I know a movie we can film right here and now, with you in the lead role.
PENNY
Well if you’re my costar, I want to see who your stunt double is.
LEONARD
(EXITING)
Ouch, that hurt.
PENNY
(calling across hall before disappearing into apartment)
I’d settle for Kristen Stewart big.
PENNY is pulled back and door shuts.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
ATOMIC SYMBOL GRAPHIC, CUTS TO
TAG
18. INT. CHEESECAKE FACTORY – EVENING
SHELDON, LEONARD, AMY, PENNY, RAJ, HOWARD, and BERNADETTE are seated around a table, smiling happily.
RAJ
Sheldon, on behalf of everyone, I would like to say thank you for treating us all to a dinner out like this. It was a wonderful surprise.
HOWARD
(aside)
For "a wonderful life".
SHELDON
What’s that?
HOWARD
Well, you can’t overlook the obvious comparison to the film "It’s a Wonderful Life". The angel seeking his wings. Showing you a world with an alternate reality. Not necessarily one where you were never born.
(aside)
That would be a wonderful life for the rest of us.
BERNADETTE slaps HOWARD’s arm.
BERNADETTE
Stop! Don’t ruin this! How often do we get to eat out, and let someone else take care of the baby for a change?
HOWARD
With Raj and Stuart around... whenever we want.
RAJ
Just remember that I’m your first choice, okay. Stuart has Halley tonight, but I have dibs on your next outing.
PENNY
So Sheldon, tell me again about this movie I was making.
SHELDON
Well it took place in a comic book store... (beat) You know, Wolowitz is right for a change. This did all have the elements of that Frank Capra Christmas classic.
LEONARD
And it’s not even Christmas.
SHELDON
Well before TV made "It’s a Wonderful Life" a holiday tradition, it was considered a box office failure and didn’t achieve the recognition it currently enjoys for decades.
HOWARD
(nudging Bernadette and pointing teasingly)
Oh, look. Teacher says, "Whenever Sheldon brings up an unnecessary fact, an angel tries to hang itself with its wings."
BERNADETTE slaps his arm again, smiling.
AMY
So what was the lesson you learned from this dream of yours, Sheldon?
SHELDON
(looks at Amy)
Never to take for granted to people in your life.
SHELDON raises his glass, and the rest do the same.
HOWARD
God bless us, everyone.
SHELDON
Wrong movie.
(starts)
Oh, now what did you have to make me go and think of the Scrooge story for? Do you know what kind of a dream I’m liable to have tonight, now that you put that idea in my head?
HOWARD
(smiling)
Yes, and now I’m dying to hear how that one turns out.
RAJ
Ooh! Make me the Ghost of Christmas Past.
LEONARD
(disgustedly to Penny)
Knowing him, I’ll probably end up being Tiny Tim.
PENNY laughs and hugs LEONARD around the shoulder. SHLEDON and AMY look at each other fondly and sip their drinks.
FADE OUT
END OF SHOW